Going Back
by DaniiButNotBeck
Summary: In which Elliot goes back to SVU.


Title: Going Back

Pairing: Elliot Stabler/Olivia Benson

Rating: K+

Author's Note: These characters aren't mine. If they were, things would be different, and I wouldn't have to worry about paying for college. They belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. Do I have that right? Anyways, the only things I own are almost a dozen textbooks, a box of old candy canes, and a laptop I got for my birthday.

Author's Note 2: This story was inspired by "The Backpack Song" by Bear Attack and "All In" by Lifehouse. Unfortunately, I don't own them or these songs.

Author's Note 3: This is my first venture into Elliot/Olivia (usually I write Alex/Olivia). And, judging by the way I feel about this story, it may be my last. I don't know yet. Enjoy!

* * *

_Backpack on my back, walking down a railroad track. Oh, I've been wanting to see you. Eyes upon the rows of trees, an endless sea in front of me. Oh, I've been longing to see you. _

_You've been on my mind, talk about a lonely time. You don't know how much I need you. Once I feel the downy snow, the only home I've ever known. I'll hold you close when I see you _

_There's no way I could let you go. There's no way I could let you go. There's no way I could let you go. And it seems to me, we sing soft and low. Such a sweet hello._

_Backpack on my back, standing on a railroad track. It won't be long 'til I see you. Why do I always have to leave the only one I'll ever need? Now hold me close while I breathe you. There's no way I could let you go. There's no way I could let you go. There's no way I could let you go. And it seems to me, we sing soft and low. Such a sweet hello. ("The Backpack Song" – Bear Attack.)_

* * *

"Two years! You've been gone two years and now you think you can just waltz back in here like nothing happened?" Olivia Benson stands with her left hand on her hip, her right on her gun. There's a gleam in her eye that could be described as predatory, but it's safer to go with dangerous or menacing.

Elliot Stabler unconsciously takes a step back. He's been on the receiving end of Olivia's anger before, but it had never been this bad before. He honestly has no idea if she is going to shoot him or just scream at him until she feels better. "Liv, I—"

"No. You don't have the right to call me 'Liv' anymore. My name is _Detective Benson_," she all but snarls.

"Right. Sorry. I don't know what to tell you, Detective. I could apologize, but that won't do either of us any good."

"Why are you even back, Elliot?"

"I couldn't take it anymore."

"Take what?"

"Knowing you were alone out on the streets every day."

"I'm not alone. I have Amaro, Amanda, and Fin. Sometimes I even have Munch too."

"It's not the same."

"How, Elliot? How is it not the same?"

"They aren't me!"

"No, you're absolutely right. They aren't you. They're better in fact. They have my back _for better or worse_."

"So do I!"

"No, Elliot, you don't. Where were you when I was almost killed? Where were you when I needed you? I called you every day for a month! Every. Damn. Day. You don't understand how much it hurt when you left, Elliot. And now you think you can come back and everything will be just fine. That's not the way it works. You hurt me and it's gonna take me a while to get over that."

"I know, Olivia. I don't expect you to just welcome me back into your life right away. I just want another chance to prove that I deserve you."

"Why do you think you deserve another chance?"

Elliot takes a step forward. He can feel the change in her behavior even after two years of being separated. He knows the worst is over and it's okay for him to start to approach her. "Look, Olivia, I've spent the best part of two years living in a tiny apartment in Queens. My kids don't want to see me; Kathy left me three months after I resigned from SVU; I didn't even have you to look forward to seeing. I'm a wreck, Liv."

"You still haven't explained why you think you deserve another chance."

Elliot sighs. "I don't deserve another chance, but I'm asking you for one. Please, Olivia, give me time to make this right. I swear to you that I can fix this."

Olivia's shoulders drop and she shakes her head. "I don't think you can, Elliot. When you left I was so lost. We were partners for twelve years. That's so much longer than anyone else. And then you just disappeared. You didn't even give me a warning."

"Can we talk about this tonight? I'll bring your favorite Mexican takeout."

Olivia sighs. "Fine. Be at my place by seven." She hands him a slip of paper with her new address scrawled on it.

* * *

"Think about what you're doing, Benson," she says, looking at herself in her bathroom mirror. "What makes you think you can work this out? Are you a masochist?" She shakes her head when she hears a knock on the door. "Here goes nothing." Olivia opens the door, stepping aside to let Elliot into her apartment.

He looks around Olivia's new apartment. "When'd you move here?"

"Eighteen months ago. I needed a bigger place for when Calvin comes to stay. This place has two bedrooms so he doesn't have to sleep on the couch." She opens two beers and hands one to Elliot.

He takes a long drink and looks around the apartment. "You two look happy," he says, noticing the framed picture of Olivia and Calvin on the coffee table. "When do you get to see him?"

"Whenever he feels like coming over. His grandparents get sick of him making a mess of their house while he's home on the weekends so he usually spends them with me when I'm not catching cases."

"Sounds like a good deal."

"It is. He has Christmas vacation coming up and he wants to spend the entire thing here. I was thinking I might take a week off and take him up to Alex's cabin in the country. I have some vacation time I need to use before Cragen forces me to take it." She looks at the overloaded bag of Mexican food in his arms. "Why aren't we eating?" She laughs.

Elliot empties the bag onto the kitchen table and Olivia loads the food onto plates. The two eat in almost complete silence, neither one wanting to address the elephant in the room.

"I'll clean," Elliot says as the two finish eating.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I've been doing it a lot since getting my own place," he laughs.

"The great Elliot Stabler has been domesticated by his own apartment? I'd pay to see that," Olivia jokes.

"Funny, Benson," he says, flicking water from the sink at her. "This place could use a good cleaning. It looks like it hasn't really been cleaned since before you moved in."

"That's because it hasn't. I've worked every other weekend since I moved in, and the weekends I didn't work, Calvin was here. There hasn't been any time to really clean."

"How's work been?"

"The same. This week was slower than normal, but that's good for us."

"Who's been prosecuting for you?"

"Sometimes we get Alex or Casey, but usually we just get some random kid."

"Sounds like the DA's office likes to keep you on your toes."

Olivia laughs. "Yeah, they do."

Silence falls between the two of them. Even after two years of being separated, Olivia can still tell when Elliot has something on his mind. "Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you come back?"

"I told you; I was worried."

"But that's not why you came back."

Elliot subconsciously rubs the back of his neck and lowers his gaze from her eyes to the ground. "I missed you."

"You missed me? You could've called me anytime, but you didn't. Don't tell me you missed me."

"I did miss you! I missed your laugh, your smile, the way you roll your eyes when I say something stupid, how your eyes light up when you've cracked a case. I've wanted to come back for so long, Liv. I can't tell you how many times I've found myself standing outside the precinct, just waiting to walk in. I just…I couldn't do it."

"Why not?"

"I didn't want to see the disappointment in your eyes. I love you, Olivia. I've loved you since the very first day."

"That's not fair, Elliot."

"Why not?"

"I've spent the last two years trying to get over you and now you just walk in here and tell me you love me like things haven't changed between us. No. That's not fair at all."

"Life isn't fair, Liv."

"I know that, Elliot."

"I'm not letting you go again, Liv. I've let you go too many times. I'm all done running. I love you, Olivia Benson. You can't tell me you don't feel the same way."

"I do, Elliot, I do. That's the whole problem. I want to be mad at you, but I just…I can't. I love you."

"Will you give me a second chance to prove that I deserve you?"

"Yes."

* * *

_All night staring at the ceiling, counting for minutes I've been feeling this way. So far away and so alone. But you know it's alright, I came to my senses, letting go of my defenses. There's no way I'm giving up this time. Yeah, you know I'm right here. I'm not losing you this time._

_And I'm all in, nothing left to hide. I've fallen harder than a landslide. I spent a week away from you last night. And now I'm calling, calling out your name. Even if I lose the game, I'm all in. I'm all in tonight, yeah I'm all in. I'm all in for life._

_There's no taking back what we've got's too strong, we've had each other's back for too long. There's no breaking up this time. And you know it's okay, I came to my senses, letting go of my defenses. There's no way I'm giving up this time_

_And I'm all in, nothing left to hide. I've fallen harder than a landslide. I spent a week away from you last night. And now I'm calling, calling out your name. Even if I lose the game, I'm all in. I'm all in tonight, yeah I'm all in. I'm all in for life._

_I want it, I want it, I want it. I want it, I want it, I want it, yeah. I want it, I want it, I want it, yeah _

_And I'm all in, calling out your name. Even if I lose the game, I'm all in, I'm all in for life. And I'm all in, nothing left to hide. I've fallen harder than a landslide. I spent a week away from you last night. And now I'm calling, calling out your name. Even if I lose the game, I'm all in. I'm all in tonight, yeah I'm all in. I'm all in for life. Yeah I'm all in, I'm all in for life. ("All In" – Lifehouse)_

* * *

Author's Note: Hate it? Love it? I'd really love to hear from you.


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